Human psychology (for both men and women) does not allow us to think clearly and miss our loved ones as long as we are trapped in this push/pull dynamic with an ex. Human psychology does not allow love to reappear as long as insecurity, need, or despair clouds your judgment and pushes your ex away. But if you don`t start contact, a void is created between the two of you, and your ex can`t help but remember the good things about you and the relationship. It`s one thing to think about your ex from time to time, it`s another to check your ex`s Facebook page for the first time in the morning and then check it every half hour throughout the day. If you feel obsessed with her/him, then you need to take a step back and understand why you are doing it. Many people think that the main goal of non-contact is that they miss their ex and wants them to come back. It`s easy to make yourself believe that you could get back together if you text your ex all the time and nothing really looks different from what he was before the breakup. But, as Wade says, this type of short-term appeasement can be harmful in the long run. Depriving yourself that the relationship didn`t work won`t do you any favors, believe me.
However, if you start living without their presence in your life, it can become much easier to continue. Wade also says that the no-contact rule can help you live and transform your grief instead of distracting and calming you down. No contact is just about getting an ex back. It can be very, very effective in helping you get away from a breakup or eliminate a toxic person from your life. Here`s how. If your ex is a drug you`re addicted to, then by not making contact, you`ll have cold turkey on your ex. In many cases, people are addicted to their ex and they need a cold turkey approach to break their addiction. If you don`t have contact, it means that the most important thing you need to do during the absence of contact is physical activity. There are several reasons for this. It releases endorphins that make you feel better.
It will get you in shape, which will make you feel better again. And it will show if you want to meet your ex after the expiration of the contact ban period. In fact, the no-contact rule makes it difficult for the person who ended a relationship to let go and move on. Live your life. Do everything you can to feel better. Be your own best friend and take care of yourself, because no one else will do it for you. No contact is the time to make yourself a happy and confident person. But remember, you shouldn`t do it just because you want your ex to come back.
You should do this because you want to be a better version of yourself. The non-contact rule helps relieve the pain you feel from the lack of oxytocin. That`s why the no-contact rule is so effective in helping you overcome your breakup. You basically go to the cold turkey of the oxytocin you used to get. Step 3 – Obsessive worry: By the time the dumpee is in the self-improvement or recovery phase, the dumper will be obsessively busy with their ex. The question „Why didn`t her ex contact her?” begins to occupy her mental space, almost insistently. You need to use this as an opportunity to grieve for the loss of your relationship, put your mind in the right space, and think about the future. The no-contact rule can give you the time and space you need to understand who you are as an individual and what you expect from your life.
To find out if such a person is worth not having contact indefinitely, ask yourself the following questions. If it is you who have been released, you will react this way during the contact ban phase: instead, the contact ban rule should be about you and help you get away from your ex. It is an integral tool for empowerment. You want to get to the point where you can say, „With or without you, my life will be amazing.” If you apply the „Don`t Initiate” rule, you won`t really have a difficult deadline if your ex contacts you regularly. You can choose to end it and contact your ex whenever you feel the time is right. Usually, it`s at least 30 days, and then it can take up to a few months to a year. But since there`s no firm and quick rule about how long you should use it, you should probably stick to it, no matter how long it takes to work. In my opinion, no contact should usually last at least sixty-six days. The reason for this delay is that studies show that it takes sixty-six days to form a new habit. Therefore, the time to get used to not chasing the ex and really focus on his own personal development would be at least 66 days. When it comes to yourself, you know that the no-contact rule works when you`ve overcome your grief and are in a room where you want to socialize and indulge in self-love. You know it works when the person who left you starts to get angry at your silence and wants to get back in touch.
Remember that no contact is meant to manipulate your ex or play mind games by posting photos on Facebook, Instagram, etc. Let them go „cold turkey” until they separate, instead of allowing them to still have you in their lives in part or with little contact. If you want to continue after a breakup (or if you want to remove a toxic person from your life), you don`t continue contact indefinitely. Often, an ex likes to play games or do things to get a reaction from you when you have no contact. Sometimes they post things on social media or say things to mutual friends. If you don`t have any light contact, they may try to do something that relates to something that`s important to you, which is your home, your child, or your career. In my work coaching women and men, 99% of the problems I see result from a lack of limits. „No” is a short word that is not pronounced often enough. If you have the choice to be loved or respected, always choose the latter.
But it`s very important to understand that no single contact rule can help you bring your ex back into a healthy relationship. If your relationship is broken, if you and your ex have had serious problems, no single contact rule will solve your relationship on its own. Even if you decide to get back together with your ex, you`ll do so with much more certainty, knowing that this is exactly what you want for yourself. If the contactless timeline makes you realize that your ex isn`t good for you, you`ll be able to move on without hesitation or remorse. There are also exes who take the rule of prohibition of contact personally. They refuse to believe that you are using it to heal and move forward with your life. They will say that if they meant something to you, you wouldn`t cut them off from your life. Others claim that the no-contact rule is immature. The „Do Not Initiate” rule simply means that you are not getting in touch with your ex. They let them contact you.
If they do, respond to them, talk to them casually, and you can even try to rebuild the attraction when they show up. You can do this by flirting or using the methods described in this article about SMS. This does not allow him to really face the consequences of what he thinks he wants. You just put them on the defensive because they always have you instead of being absent. .